I have never understood the concept of not being affectionate, to some degree at least, with your friends. Like what the hell are you guys doing?
This was supposed to go up last week but I’ve been looking for the tiktok and I haven’t been able to find it. Anyway, I came across a video on tiktok the other day and this man was talking about female friendships. He was saying that females friends will do everything they’d expect from their man for each other.
If her girl wants a new bag and her friend can afford it, she’s got her. If a girl wants a birthday dinner, her friends will put heaven and earth together and a birthday dinner she’ll get. If she’s working on a project and she needs help, help will fall from the sky as long as have friends have something to do with it. If she needs support, her girls at her beck and call. And he was perplexed by all this.
Why won’t men have a high depression rate when they find affection towards each other weird?
Now I have two questions;
When you love people, won’t you want to give them everything they want?
Why would you expect a stranger to do things that your so called loved ones aren’t interested in doing?
I can almost confidently say that I have (and have had) the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. Even the friendships that have now turned sour were once great, till they were not. In my opinion, anyone who doesn’t have even the tiniest desire to see you get you want doesn’t like you. It’s simple.
Now for those who don’t understand English, please read carefully
I didn’t say “those who can’t”, because some people want to but they can’t, I said “those who don’t want to”. I mean they can but they don’t want to, and even those who can’t and still they don’t want to.
Now for those that have comprehension issues
I also don’t mean if you want a house, everybody should want to buy you a house. I mean the little things. Your friend is a huge fan of someone they’ve always been wanting to go to their show and they’re constantly talking about it, why wouldn’t you as a friend, if it’s within your means, want to do something that you now would make them happy? They’ve been searching for a job or a gig and you see opportunities that suit them or rooms that mentioning their name in will benefit them and you don’t do that thing that’ll benefit them?
Your friend has been wanting to do this thing and you know a couple of people or some things that she can do that could help out, why wouldn’t you put her on?
Why can’t you tell your friend they’re pretty? Or that you love them? Or show some kind of affection? Like actual human affection. I genuinely don’t understand it.
I feel like people believe that thoughtfulness and affection begin and end with romantic relationships, and that’s not true. The same way your partner is your romantic partner, is the same way your friends are your partners in different spheres of life and they need to be treated and treat you with care and love.
My friends would do anything in their power to see me happy and I would do the same for them both now and in a million years to come, so when I see crazy things like this, I genuinely don’t understand the thought process or whatever messed up orientation that leads to will-fully living such a life.
Now that it’s clear that you’re not affectionate with your friends and vice versa, why the hell would you want a stranger be affectionate with you?
Don’t get me wrong o, anybody moving to you should be wooing you and not the other way round, but I don’t think I would accept treatment from a stranger that I’m not used to getting from my friends and family. I don’t know, maybe it’s that “first daughter syndrome” but I feel like it’ll make me dependent on and excessively attached to the person, and that can be very unhealthy.
Now the stranger in question is a man trying to woo me. And when I say dependent I mean it in the sense that when I or that person leaves, I’d be craving that “good” treatment that I was getting because I’m not used to it and I know till I get a replacement, no one’s going to be doing that for me. And that’s why I feel like that’s part of the reason a lot of people either go back to their exes, because of “the good days” or are addicted to relationships or put up with nonsense.
There’s also the trauma response aspect to it, but I’m not a licensed therapist or a psychologist so I can’t say much about that
Maybe this part is all in my head because, single me, what do I know about love. But my point is love your friends from today, please.
I would love to say that I’ve watched or read or listened to a bunch of new things but between Olushola Olujobi’s Oil and Gas textbook and my Public and International Law notes, I did minimal consumption.
I DID consume though. Quality consumption. I finally finished The Buccaneers, a splendid period piece about the blend of English and North American families. You should all watch it.
I didn’t particularly listen to anything new these past two weeks. I did listen to Sere a lot recently, that BC sound is really beginning to rub off and I am not mad at it at all! Also Commas is a banger!!! Ayra did her THING on that song!
Obviouslyyyyy, I watched the Grammy’s, but that’s a matter I’ll table later. Anyway, s/o SZA, Tyla, and Burna.
This morning, i listened to an amazing episode of Mazino Malaka’s podcast, You Can Rest Here, with Nicole Asiugo. I would love to tell you about it right now, but if I do, what will I write next week?
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