this piece was initially published on my medium
For a long time, I’ve felt unloved, and a couple of times, I’ve thought that I was being loved. But since you came into the picture, I see love in a completely different light.
Putting how I feel at the moment into words is a horrible sport. How do I describe a feeling that suffocates me she you’re away? Or the calmness I feel when I hear your voice? Or the desire that burns in me to see you succeed? Or the guilt I feel when I speak to God without putting your day in His hands? Or how tied I feel to your emotions, like we’re connected somehow?
You probably think I just described it, but the English are yet to add this magnitude of emotion to their linguistics.
I know it seems cliché but I’ve actually never felt like this before. I’m being very honest. In my mom’s words, “before God and man, I haven’t”
Everybody always says love it’s a powerful emotion and it’s almost like no one ever understands how deep it is. Imagine being so in love that it scares you? the fear of heartbreak, the fear of change, the fear of not being able to love like this and the fear of being able to love more than this.
Just thinking about the fact that we’re young and that you may not be my soulmate is absolutely frightening.
Probably, because I love you with every fragment of my being, and just thinking that there might be someone out there that I could love more than you is beyond horrific.
I haven’t completely hacked this love thing. I just know that it’s there and it’s happening and it engulfs me daily. Another thing I know and I’m sure of is that loving you satisfies me.
It’s beyond the surface, it runs deep- the love that is!
Love this x