Anybody that knows me well will know that I’ve been relaxing this summer. Like I’ve really been chilling. Summers for me are usually filled with physical and virtual internships, online courses and a bunch of different things. But this summer has been different.
I’m doing an internship but I’m only doing it because it’s necessary. I’m not doing any online courses. I have a few I want to do but I don’t have the urge to do any of them. I’m not usually the “oh this the plan and I will execute it then” kind of person when it comes to work. I do the work right there and then no matter how big or little. But now I just can’t bring myself to do any of these things.
I think I’m burnt out.
I don’t really know what it means to be burnt out, maybe I’ll just google it later and see but that’s the best explanation I can think of .
It makes sense if I am because I don’t know how to rest. You know how people just exist and do things they like without really worrying or thinking much about anything? Living in the moment and what not, I don’t know how to do that. I’m always doing something or thinking of what to do next, that how I live my life on a day to day basis.
You see why not having the urge to do anything is a big problem for me
This is now making me mount pressure on myself because I feel like I’m underperforming when I’m just doing what every other regular person is doing, taking a beat. It’s also affecting my work, my creating and video editing that is. For some reason, everything I’ve written seems like trash for some reason.
Another thing I like is feeling in control of my life to a reasonable human extent. I thought I had everything semi worked out in my life with back up plans and what not, but I did some research on LLM and JD programs and it’s safe to say thy my life is very far from my control right now. It’s crazy because I kind of don’t care. Like I care but not enough to do something, I think. Just not being able to say this is the next step and seeing that things may not pan the way I want them to is very difficult for me. The crazy thing about it is that I feel horrid but I’m not in a hurry to do anything about, at all.
This rest was not an intentional decision. It just happened. That’s why it’s so weird and uncomfortable.
I have no idea what I’m going to do about how I’m feeling but I’m sharing this because I know I can’t be the only workaholic. If you enjoy doing a lot of different things at the same time while balancing it with your social life, spiritual life, mental health, etc., take this as your sign to rest. If you’re like me and you don’t know how to rest, learn how to rest. Read articles and watch YouTube videos if you have to. I can’t guarantee that you’d enjoy it (honestly don’t know if I am), but I know it’ll be beneficial in the long run.
Till next time😘
🥹my girl
This is lovely Vickky. So relatable too